"Now that this is my reality, what am I going to do?" I know that I am not even close to answering that question. I also know that it's okay that I don't have all the answers right now. This is a defining moment in my life, it's time for God to use me and prune me into whatever He is creating me to be. Pruning moments in life aren't easy. Sometimes they hurt, sometimes you feel empty and lost. I am trying to hold on to God's word and rest in Him. There is a particular song that has been on my heart lately. One line in the song says, "What if trials of this life are His mercies in disguise." In my crabby moment last night as this song was stuck in my head again I thought to myself, what does that even mean? My trials give God the opportunity to reveal Himself to me. It gives Him the opportunity to show that He is a loving and merciful God. Then I thought how insiginificant my trials are compared to what others go through. Why me? Why am I so important to God?
Psalm 139 says that God knit us together in our mother's womb. Wow. God knew me so inimately before I was even a thought in any individual's mind. Have you ever knit something? It is an intricate art of crafting yarn into a useful and purposeful article of clothing. It takes time and diligence to finish a piece with just a pair of knitting needles and yarn. God took the time to craft me into whatever He has created to be.
There are many people in the bible who most likely felt insignificant the way I have been feeling. Abraham was elderly and his wife was barren, yet God promised that his ancestors would outnumber the stars. Moses had a stuttering problem, but he was able to be a leader to God's chosen people. David was an adulterer and murderer, but we remember him as a man after God's own heart. Naomi was a widow, but God was faithful to her. Job went bankrupt and lost his family, yet God blessed him more than Job could have imagined.
We all mess up in life. We all have dreams and plans that fall through. I don't want to follow my own plan or dream if it doesn't coincide with God's plans for me. As insignificant or unworthy that I may feel sometimes, I know that God can still use me for something bigger. So for now, I will let God continue to mold me into what He wants from me, and I will pray that He will reveal Himself to me and what His plan is for me now...
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Growth Opportunity
Don't you love those reminders that God places in our lives right at the exact moment you need to hear them?I am an avid reader of my Proverbs 31 Ministries Devotionals. Every morning I settle in on the couch before I trudge off to work and spend time in a devotional with God. It's a nice way for me to start my day and reminds me of what I am working through my day for. Yesterday, as I opened my email and snuggled up with a blanket... and Gizmo (I love Fall!), I read a title and devotional that sounded vaguely familiar. Before I could get the thought out about another repeat devotional, I noticed that it was written by my favorite author, Lysa TerKeurst.
The devotional was entitled When God Hurts Your Feelings. Lysa spoke of when her 14-year old daughter's dreams in gymnastics were crushed because of an injury that would leave her unable to return to the sport. Lysa said in moments that dash dreams away and our hopes for our future are crushed, that it is a natural reaction to ask "why?" She pushes even further to say it's okay to ask, so long as to not let that become an excuse to distance ourselves from God. She also said that we need to replace those "why" questions with "what" questions. She gives some suggestions to the "what" questions we should be asking, which struck a cord with me yesterday.
You see, the past few weeks, I have been dealing with a very real situation in my life which could potentially change everything I have ever dreamed for in the future. Since my miscarriage, I definitely have grown in maturity with my walk with God, and have learned to lean on God and trust Him in my circumstances. I have to say that my faith really hasn't been tested over the weeks up till this point. It's easy to trust and lean on God when things are going so smoothly, but add a setback into the mix of things and how we respond will surely show us exactly where we are at in our faith journey. I have to admit that in that very moment, my mind instantly went to the way I would have handled this particular situation in the past. It's easy to let our mind go to a negative place and to start becoming angry and distance ourselves from God. But the good thing is, in the past few years that I have grown, I have learned a thing or two. I have learned the power of prayer. I have learned how I can battle the lies of this world with the truths I read everyday in the Bible. I have learned of the accountability I have through my friends and family. And I have learned what a blessing these things are.
So isntead of saying, "That's it, this isn't going to work. The odds are against me and I am left with nothing." I can say, "My God is great, and my God is huge, and there is nothing that my God can't do if He only chooses to." Instead of saying, "There is no way this is going to work." I can say, "I have seen and acknowledge the miracles God has done in my own personal life and I cannot deny the fact that God can create another miracle in this situation." Instead of making alternative plans for the future, I am safe to say, "I trust you Jesus," and know that God is going to carry me through this situation, no matter what His answer is for me.
So now, when my setback is staring me down and hovering over me, I am not afraid. I know that I have the power of God on my side and I know that God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. So my "what" questions... This is the reality of my situation, so what am I going to do with it? What other opportunities could God be providing? God is providing me the opportunity to show how much I have learned from my past. He is allowing me the opportunity to lean on Him, and I choose to push into my God even further and trust Him even more everyday.
I am praying for a miracle today. For always.
"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippeans 4:8
The devotional was entitled When God Hurts Your Feelings. Lysa spoke of when her 14-year old daughter's dreams in gymnastics were crushed because of an injury that would leave her unable to return to the sport. Lysa said in moments that dash dreams away and our hopes for our future are crushed, that it is a natural reaction to ask "why?" She pushes even further to say it's okay to ask, so long as to not let that become an excuse to distance ourselves from God. She also said that we need to replace those "why" questions with "what" questions. She gives some suggestions to the "what" questions we should be asking, which struck a cord with me yesterday.
You see, the past few weeks, I have been dealing with a very real situation in my life which could potentially change everything I have ever dreamed for in the future. Since my miscarriage, I definitely have grown in maturity with my walk with God, and have learned to lean on God and trust Him in my circumstances. I have to say that my faith really hasn't been tested over the weeks up till this point. It's easy to trust and lean on God when things are going so smoothly, but add a setback into the mix of things and how we respond will surely show us exactly where we are at in our faith journey. I have to admit that in that very moment, my mind instantly went to the way I would have handled this particular situation in the past. It's easy to let our mind go to a negative place and to start becoming angry and distance ourselves from God. But the good thing is, in the past few years that I have grown, I have learned a thing or two. I have learned the power of prayer. I have learned how I can battle the lies of this world with the truths I read everyday in the Bible. I have learned of the accountability I have through my friends and family. And I have learned what a blessing these things are.
So isntead of saying, "That's it, this isn't going to work. The odds are against me and I am left with nothing." I can say, "My God is great, and my God is huge, and there is nothing that my God can't do if He only chooses to." Instead of saying, "There is no way this is going to work." I can say, "I have seen and acknowledge the miracles God has done in my own personal life and I cannot deny the fact that God can create another miracle in this situation." Instead of making alternative plans for the future, I am safe to say, "I trust you Jesus," and know that God is going to carry me through this situation, no matter what His answer is for me.
So now, when my setback is staring me down and hovering over me, I am not afraid. I know that I have the power of God on my side and I know that God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. So my "what" questions... This is the reality of my situation, so what am I going to do with it? What other opportunities could God be providing? God is providing me the opportunity to show how much I have learned from my past. He is allowing me the opportunity to lean on Him, and I choose to push into my God even further and trust Him even more everyday.
I am praying for a miracle today. For always.
"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippeans 4:8
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