Why to What Continues...

"Now that this is my reality, what am I going to do?"  I know that I am not even close to answering that question.  I also know that it's okay that I don't have all the answers right now.  This is a defining moment in my life, it's time for God to use me and prune me into whatever He is creating me to be.  Pruning moments in life aren't easy.  Sometimes they hurt, sometimes you feel empty and lost.  I am trying to hold on to God's word and rest in Him.  There is a particular song that has been on my heart lately.  One line in the song says, "What if trials of this life are His mercies in disguise."  In my crabby moment last night as this song was stuck in my head again I thought to myself, what does that even mean?  My trials give God the opportunity to reveal Himself to me.  It gives Him the opportunity to show that He is a loving and merciful God.  Then I thought how insiginificant my trials are compared to what others go through.  Why me?  Why am I so important to God? 

Psalm 139 says that God knit us together in our mother's womb.  Wow.  God knew me so inimately before I was even a thought in any individual's mind.  Have you ever knit something?  It is an intricate art of crafting yarn into a useful and purposeful article of clothing.  It takes time and diligence to finish a piece with just a pair of knitting needles and yarn.  God took the time to craft me into whatever He has created to be. 

There are many people in the bible who most likely felt insignificant the way I have been feeling.  Abraham was elderly and his wife was barren, yet God promised that his ancestors would outnumber the stars.  Moses had a stuttering problem, but he was able to be a leader to God's chosen people.  David was an adulterer and murderer, but we remember him as a man after God's own heart.  Naomi was a widow, but God was faithful to her.  Job went bankrupt and lost his family, yet God blessed him more than Job could have imagined. 

We all mess up in life.  We all have dreams and plans that fall through.  I don't want to follow my own plan or dream if it doesn't coincide with God's plans for me.  As insignificant or unworthy that I may feel sometimes, I know that God can still use me for something bigger.  So for now, I will let God continue to mold me into what He wants from me, and I will pray that He will reveal Himself to me and what His plan is for me now...